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(no subject)

Feb. 28th, 2018 | 11:18 pm

It pisses me off that someone could mess a person up so badly, but they can still find love. That I’m sitting here, too completely fucked up from my ex and he can still find someone to love him. I put myself out there, and I keep getting fucked over because I care too much. Why doesn’t anybody care about me? Why? Why do people take advantage of someone who cares so much for them and not even give a fuck about them? I’ve never understood how someone could be so cruel. At this point, I feel too numb for relationships, whether they be romantic or friendships. I feel so completely done with everything. People don’t give a shit about me. I’m invisible. Nobody would miss me. Nobody misses me. Nobody wants me. Nobody cares. When will this pain ever end...this loneliness. Fuck everybody.


Lost in confusion.

Feb. 4th, 2018 | 07:45 pm

I’ve made mistakes.

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Reflections

Aug. 22nd, 2017 | 09:30 pm

The death of Chester Bennington was a shock to many.

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Living is easy with eyes closed...

Jun. 28th, 2017 | 03:54 pm

I believed in love, once upon a time.

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(no subject)

Apr. 30th, 2017 | 06:53 pm

I have depression.

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i was a fool to believe...

Apr. 15th, 2017 | 08:39 pm

I wear my heart on my sleeve. This is who I've always been. Sensitive and caring, not wanting to see people in pain. I've known pain and it hurts knowing others have felt a deeper pain than I have. I wish I could take away their pain. I care too much and it pushes people away. I hate that I can be overwhelming, but I don't know why I get this way. Perhaps it's because I'm an empath. I feel all the energy around me. Sometimes it can be too much to bear. It's exhausting to fight the constant negativity that surrounds me. People tell me I need to stop dwelling on the past, but it's difficult when the past is still in my present. I've come to terms with certain things, like my break-up. I have my moments when I think about Jaycee and I miss what we had, but I know we are better off apart. I will be forever grateful for the love we had, but the toxicity of our relationship towards the end was soul breaking. I've forgiven him and don't blame him for anything.
I get that everyone has been hurt. I'm not trying to say my pain is greater than someone else's. I care so much about people that I feel their pain. I can see the pain in their eyes and it hurts me to see them hurt. I've been told that I'm stupid for allowing someone to lash out at me and to still want them in my life. I can't help it. Their words may have stung, but I know they said it out of pain. Some people can't handle someone showing that they care. They lash out and try to push you away, because they are afraid of feeling any more pain than they already do. Maybe I'm naive for thinking this way or maybe I'm way off, but I feel it. I see the wall they put up and I wish I could do everything possible to take away that pain they have. They deserve to be happy and not so shut off from the world. I hope one day they tear down that wall and can finally be happy, because they are so amazing and they are hiding that from the world. I see the good in them, as well as the pain. Think all you want that I'm pathetic for wanting to remain in their life, but I hope for the best in their future, whether I'm in it or not. I only wish they could see the way I see them. They probably think I'm stupid for believing in them, but I know I'm right.

Reflections

Dec. 31st, 2016 | 12:21 am

It's New Years Eve, which means an end to another year.

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letting go...

Aug. 21st, 2016 | 10:03 pm

I'm not sure why I have such a hard time letting go.

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Take these broken wings and learn to fly..

Feb. 28th, 2016 | 12:31 am

I've had a lot of loss throughout my life, especially within the last 7 years.

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Take these broken wings and learn to fly...

Jan. 26th, 2016 | 09:15 pm

I never truly believed in love at first sight, until I met you.

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