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Lost in confusion.

Feb. 4th, 2018 | 07:45 pm

I’ve made mistakes.

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Aug. 22nd, 2017 | 09:30 pm

The death of Chester Bennington was a shock to many.

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Living is easy with eyes closed...

Jun. 28th, 2017 | 03:54 pm

I believed in love, once upon a time.

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(no subject)

Apr. 30th, 2017 | 06:53 pm

I have depression.

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i was a fool to believe...

Apr. 15th, 2017 | 08:39 pm

I wear my heart on my sleeve. This is who I've always been. Sensitive and caring, not wanting to see people in pain. I've known pain and it hurts knowing others have felt a deeper pain than I have. I wish I could take away their pain. I care too much and it pushes people away. I hate that I can be overwhelming, but I don't know why I get this way. Perhaps it's because I'm an empath. I feel all the energy around me. Sometimes it can be too much to bear. It's exhausting to fight the constant negativity that surrounds me. People tell me I need to stop dwelling on the past, but it's difficult when the past is still in my present. I've come to terms with certain things, like my break-up. I have my moments when I think about Jaycee and I miss what we had, but I know we are better off apart. I will be forever grateful for the love we had, but the toxicity of our relationship towards the end was soul breaking. I've forgiven him and don't blame him for anything.
I get that everyone has been hurt. I'm not trying to say my pain is greater than someone else's. I care so much about people that I feel their pain. I can see the pain in their eyes and it hurts me to see them hurt. I've been told that I'm stupid for allowing someone to lash out at me and to still want them in my life. I can't help it. Their words may have stung, but I know they said it out of pain. Some people can't handle someone showing that they care. They lash out and try to push you away, because they are afraid of feeling any more pain than they already do. Maybe I'm naive for thinking this way or maybe I'm way off, but I feel it. I see the wall they put up and I wish I could do everything possible to take away that pain they have. They deserve to be happy and not so shut off from the world. I hope one day they tear down that wall and can finally be happy, because they are so amazing and they are hiding that from the world. I see the good in them, as well as the pain. Think all you want that I'm pathetic for wanting to remain in their life, but I hope for the best in their future, whether I'm in it or not. I only wish they could see the way I see them. They probably think I'm stupid for believing in them, but I know I'm right.


Dec. 31st, 2016 | 12:21 am

It's New Years Eve, which means an end to another year.

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letting go...

Aug. 21st, 2016 | 10:03 pm

I'm not sure why I have such a hard time letting go.

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Take these broken wings and learn to fly..

Feb. 28th, 2016 | 12:31 am

I've had a lot of loss throughout my life, especially within the last 7 years.

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Take these broken wings and learn to fly...

Jan. 26th, 2016 | 09:15 pm

I never truly believed in love at first sight, until I met you.

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things i wanna do in my life...

Nov. 8th, 2007 | 10:35 pm

i decided to make one of those lists....i will add some now and update later with more stuff.
in no particular order.

1.) travel to europe, africa, and australia.
2.) drive Pacific Coast Highway from San Diego to San Francisco.
3.) swim with a dolphin
4.) see the chicago cubs play at wrigley's field
5.) get married
6.) send a message in a bottle
7.) ride a camel in the desert
8.) write my screen play
9.) open my Beatles diner
10.) drink beer at Oktoberfest in Munich
11.) spend St Patrick's Day in Ireland
12.) visit winchester mansion
13.) get backstage passes to a concert
14.) drive the Autobahn
15.) go to the grand canyon, yellowstone park and all of the national parks in the U.S.
16.) scuba dive off Australia's Great Barrier Reef and wander through the Australian Outback
17.) go on an African Safari
18.) kiss the Blarney stone
19.) visit the Holy Land
20.) go on an archeological dig
21.) trace back my family tree
22.) catch a ball in the stands of a major league baseball stadium
23.) visit the 7 wonders of the world
24.) visit area 51
25.) visit roswell, new mexico
26.) see an active volcano
27.) learn about the geology of orange county (yeah, i'm a nerd lol)
28.) visit the louvre in paris
29.) get out of debt
30.) finish my degree
31.) establish a career
32.) make lot's of money
33.) spend the two months in alaska when it is nothing but dark
34.) ride on a sled pulled by dogs in the snow and tell a dog to mush
35.) be in times square on new year's eve for the ball drop
36.) go skinnydipping
37.) ride a cable car in san francisco
38.) go ice skating at the radio city music hall
39.) ride in a horse-drawn carriage
40.) read the top 100 classic novels
41.) see the top 100 movies of all time
42.) hear the top 100 albums of all time
43.) visit the liberty bell
44.) go white water rafting
45.) travel the oregon trail
46.) visit pearl harbor
47.) cross the international date line
48.) fly first class
49.) try to see the lochness monster
50.) see the northern lights
51.) visit all 7 continents (i know that would fall into traveling to europe, africa and australia lol oh well)
52.) meet ewan mcgregor and tell him he should make an album covering beatles songs hehe
53.) see my boyfriend in a kilt hehe
54.) have a library
55.) meet a Beatle lol (i only have 2 choices now)
56.) have a romantic candle lit dinner
57.) kiss in the rain
58.) learn how to ballroom dance
59.) walk across the abbey road crosswalk
60.) float on the dead sea
61.) attend a film premiere
62.) build a snowman
63.) make a snow angel
64.) see a musical on broadway
65.) go on a scavenger hunt
66.) live abroad
67.) have a family
68.) fight for a cause
69.) make a difference in at least one persons life
70.) do a raindance
71.) take a submarine down to the resting place of the titanic
72.) visit the great wall of china
73.) visit the barringer meteor crater
74.) see one of earth's poles at night
75.) ride the trans-siberian express across asia
76.) buy my own house and then spend time making it into exactly what i want
77.) get all my friends together for one special birthday
78.) shower in a waterfall
79.) walk through a forest
80.) participate in a protest
81.) have a coffee on the sidewalk in Paris
82.) help out at a soup kitchen
83.) drive route 66
84.) take the orient express from venice to london
85.) ride on a gondola in venice
86.) hold the olympic torch
87.) learn how to make the perfect strawberry daiquiri
88.) identify all 88 constellations in the sky
89.) be a seat filler at the academy awards
90.) join the mile high club
91.) see the earth from space
92.) visit all 50 states
93.) help my parents like they've helped me
94.) visit the world's top 100 wonders
95.) save a life
96.) write my autobiography
97.) make a time capsule
98.) own a 66 mustang convertible, baby blue
99.) take a ride on a steamboat
100.) attend a mystery dinner party